Blinded by Your Grace

Photo by Steve Halama

Blinded by your grace.

That’s what’s playing in the background.

I’m sitting on the orange lounger and too many things are going though my mind.

The tears have started

This year has been… it’s just been.

I remember that about a month ago, I was sitting in bed and so upset and fed up!

I began to cry and shake uncontrollably because of how tired I was.

I was in a place where I was overwhelmed by how underwhelming and disappointing everything was.

This year, I’ve had ups and downs.

Moments when I felt like “this is it, it’s finally here”

As quickly as they came, I’ve had them slip away in an instance.

I’ve suffered heart break; two and half years down the drain- but it’s birthed the most beautiful friendship

I’ve been broke, broken, lost, confused

I’ve had opportunities taken away from me

I’ve drifted from my friends and I’ve found my way back to them

I’ve had reason to question everything I’ve ever known or believe in

I’ve gained and I’ve lost and I’ve birthed things

Both born from my frustrations

I’ve lost people that were dear

I’ve watched people I love lose people they love

I’ve been hurt by people and things and even my own self

I’ve watched people I love get hurt

I’ve watched people I love struggle to find them selves

I’ve seen some of the strongest people in my life at their most vulnerable because this year almost broke them

I’ve laughed, but I’ve cried a lot

I’ve screamed and scraped and kicked and fought

But I’ve also been calm

I’ve loved, I’ve taught, I’ve shared, I’ve listened

I started a business, with a lot of vim and passion

I’ve had the best support system, we’ve struggled together

I’ve had a year… The year!

I prayed and cried in supplication

I prayed and cried in frustration too

I stopped praying… I didn’t know how else to pray

I began to pray in thanksgiving

I stopped again

I just stopped and decided to breathe and let it all go

I accepted that this year was just what it was

…Better luck next year…

Exactly a month ago God played favorites and made all the other happenings this year seem small

Blinded by His Grace…

When I had almost given up hope, wondering what direction I was headed

Out of no where and in the midst of this storm, hope sprung up

“…and the rain was pouring because the sun faded away, now I’m in a better place, no longer afraid, You came and saved me!”